ASTANA – In Kazakhstan, a wedding is not a single event but a series of traditions observed before and after the ceremony. For Kazakhs, marriage is deeply rooted in customs that have been passed down for centuries, each carrying its meaning.
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One of the fundamental traditions Kazakhs follow is “adat,” which prohibits marriage between members of the same clan up to the seventh generation. As a result, many Kazakhs are well-versed in their genealogy to ensure they adhere to this rule.
Pre-wedding traditions
In the past, Kazakhs sometimes arranged future marriages even before their children were born. If one family had a son and the other a daughter, they could pledge their children’s union. These matchmakers in advance were known as “bel kuda.” If the arrangement was made after the children’s birth but still in infancy, the matchmakers were called “besik kuda”.
During “syrga salu” tradition, the groom’s mother places earrings on the bride, signifying her acceptance into the family. Photo credit: weproject.media
Traditionally, matchmaking took place in several stages. The groom’s family sent a special envoy, or “zhaushy,” to negotiate. He brought a symbolic gift, known as “kargybau,” often a horse or another valuable item, to demonstrate good intentions. The bride was given a white owl feather, or “ukitagar,” symbolizing purity and honesty. The agreement was finalized through the “shege shapan” rite, in which the bride’s father presented a shapan [ceremonial robe] to the envoy. Then, the groom’s father formally visited the bride’s family to finalize the agreement. The fathers introduced themselves and negotiated the terms, including wedding expenses and the dowry.
Today, matchmaking, or “kuda tusu,” is easier. The bride’s father is notified of the proposal, and the groom, accompanied by his father and a small group of close relatives, meets with the bride’s family.
Matchmakers bring a “korzhyn,” a large ceremonial bag filled with gifts, including fabrics, jewelry, and souvenirs. This tradition, called “korzhyn aparu,” symbolizes goodwill between the two families. Additional gifts, known as “kiit,” are also given by the groom’s family, with the most valuable ones presented to the bride’s parents.
Another important custom, “syrga salu,” or the placing of earrings, can be held during matchmaking or as a separate event. This symbolizes that the girl is now officially betrothed. The groom’s mother places earrings on the bride, signifying her acceptance into the family.
The bride’s send-off
The bride’s departure, or “kyz uzatu,” is one of the most ancient and meaningful Kazakh wedding traditions. It marks the moment when the bride leaves her family to join her husband’s household. The bride’s parents host a farewell party, inviting close friends and relatives. The groom’s side typically sends 15-20 representatives. Well-wishers offer blessings for the bride’s new journey. The bride’s parents bear the event’s costs, ensuring she leaves with dignity.
A significant part of “kyz uzatu” tradition is the “ak zhol” ceremony, where a white fabric path is laid out to symbolize a smooth and happy married life. Photo credit: Photograf_aigerim Instagram page
This event resembles a wedding but is focused on saying farewell to the bride in a warm and loving atmosphere. A significant part of this tradition is the “ak zhol” ceremony, where a white fabric path is laid out to symbolize a smooth and happy married life. The groom waits at the end of the path, ready to welcome his bride into his family. A farewell song, “syngsu,” is performed by the bride, her friends, or relatives.
The send-off is bittersweet for the bride’s parents, as it signifies their daughter leaving home. The ceremony is concluded before midnight, a practice that historically ensured safety but is now a matter of tradition. The bride should not look back as she leaves, as it is thought to bring misfortune to the marriage.
The bride’s dowry, which includes household items, clothing, and furniture, is often sent to her new home. This tradition symbolizes the love and support of her family as she starts a new chapter in life.
The main wedding ceremony
The primary wedding celebration, or “uilenu toi,” takes place at the groom’s home. Guests arrive before the bride and groom, and the ceremony begins with the traditional song “zhar-zhar,” a melody of greetings and well-wishes.
Betashar ceremony. Photo credit: photomaster_kz.
During the wedding, the bride’s face is covered with a white shawl until the “betashar” ceremony. In this ritual, an akyn (a folk poet) plays the dombra while singing praises of the groom’s family. As the akyn names each relative, the bride bows as a sign of respect. These bows, known as “salem salu,” are a formal acknowledgment of her new family. The groom’s relatives reward her with money, known as “korimdik,” in exchange for seeing her unveiled face.
The betashar song, passed down through generations, outlines the customs and values of the family the bride is joining. At the end of the song, the akyn lifts the bride’s veil, marking the conclusion of the ceremony.
Life after marriage
Following the wedding, the bride visits her husband’s relatives, bringing gifts as a sign of respect. During this period, she is closely observed for her manners and upbringing. One key tradition is kelin chai, in which elderly women assess the bride’s ability to serve tea.
A married woman is also expected to show reverence to her husband’s older relatives by not addressing them by name. Instead, she creates respectful and affectionate nicknames for them. This tradition, known as “at tergeu”, is still practiced in some regions, demonstrating wit, respect, and resourcefulness. The names must reflect the relative’s personality, making this an early test of the bride’s intelligence and tact.
For example, a cherished sister might be called “yerkezhan”, meaning pampered. A husband’s youngest brother was often referred to as “kenzhe”, meaning youngest.
If a father-in-law’s name was Rakhmetbai (which contains the word for “thank you”), the bride must avoid using the phrase “thank you” and find an alternative way to express gratitude. If a mother-in-law’s name was Aisana (which means “moonlight”), the bride must invent an indirect reference to the moon.
This practice is seen as a measure of the bride’s upbringing, quick thinking, and eloquence. It also fosters respectful and harmonious relationships between the bride and her new family.
